"There’s a party in my pants… and someone invited the heavy fighters"
"I just woke up in the kitchen tent with my sandals duct taped to my feet and my mug duct taped to my hand.."
"can you please mention to his maj that Axe spray is not the same as deodorant"
"The only way im leaving this camp is in a golden chariot or an ambulance"
"-I told him it was my birthday and all he gave me was sperm
-at least its a homemade gift and its period"
"I’ll start drinking again when I know where I am"
"That tuchuc was so big that he would have to use horse drugs to get high"
"OMG she just told me I should get a pap smear, very loudly, while we were in line for ice!!"
"Two shots of flaming sambucca = tent on fire. I was only trying to high five the my squire brother."
"thrust. parry. disengage?…..WTF!? never fucking a fencer again."
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